🔗 Share this article

Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive to significant toilet tales and historic moments, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to discover that Big Website columnist a well-known presenter possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Consider the situation regarding the Barnsley supporter who understood the bathroom somewhat too seriously, and needed rescuing from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college to access the restrooms in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as England manager post a quick discussion within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room directly following the fixture, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies located him seated – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The restroom stalls. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I shut the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with strong principles … however all remained silent. We scarcely made eye contact, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists called ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|