🔗 Share this article

Encountering refusal, particularly when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. An editor is saying no, delivering a definite “Not interested.” Being an author, I am no stranger to setbacks. I started pitching articles 50 years back, right after college graduation. Since then, I have had several works declined, along with book ideas and numerous short stories. Over the past 20 years, focusing on personal essays, the refusals have multiplied. In a typical week, I receive a setback frequently—adding up to in excess of 100 each year. Cumulatively, rejections throughout my life exceed a thousand. Today, I could claim a PhD in handling no’s.

However, does this seem like a woe-is-me tirade? Absolutely not. Because, at last, at the age of 73, I have accepted being turned down.

By What Means Did I Achieve This?

Some context: Now, nearly everyone and their relatives has said no. I haven’t counted my acceptance statistics—it would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: not long ago, a publication nixed 20 pieces one after another before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, over 50 publishing houses rejected my book idea before someone accepted it. Subsequently, 25 representatives rejected a project. A particular editor even asked that I submit potential guest essays less often.

My Phases of Setback

When I was younger, all rejections hurt. I took them personally. It was not just my creation was being turned down, but me as a person.

As soon as a manuscript was rejected, I would start the process of setback:

• Initially, disbelief. How could this happen? How could they be ignore my skill?
• Second, refusal to accept. Maybe you’ve rejected the mistake? This must be an administrative error.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who made you to judge on my labours? It’s nonsense and their outlet is subpar. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, frustration at those who rejected me, then anger at myself. Why would I subject myself to this? Am I a masochist?
• Subsequently, bargaining (preferably mixed with delusion). What will it take you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, despair. I’m no good. What’s more, I can never become accomplished.

I experienced this through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Excellent Company

Certainly, I was in fine fellowship. Accounts of authors whose books was originally declined are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was originally turned down. Since they did persevere, then perhaps I could, too. The sports icon was cut from his school team. The majority of Presidents over the past six decades had previously lost races. The filmmaker estimates that his movie pitch and bid to star were declined repeatedly. “I take rejection as an alarm to rouse me and keep moving, instead of giving up,” he remarked.

Acceptance

Later, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I achieved the final phase of rejection. Peace. Currently, I grasp the multiple factors why someone says no. For starters, an reviewer may have just published a similar piece, or have one in the pipeline, or just be thinking about a similar topic for another contributor.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my submission is of limited interest. Or the editor feels I don’t have the experience or standing to fit the bill. Perhaps isn’t in the field for the work I am submitting. Maybe was too distracted and scanned my work too fast to recognize its value.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Any work can be turned down, and for whatever cause, and there is virtually not much you can do about it. Some reasons for rejection are always beyond your control.

Manageable Factors

Others are under your control. Admittedly, my proposals may occasionally be poorly thought out. They may be irrelevant and appeal, or the point I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe something about my punctuation, notably commas, was offensive.

The key is that, despite all my decades of effort and rejection, I have achieved widely published. I’ve published two books—my first when I was middle-aged, another, a personal story, at older—and over a thousand pieces. These works have appeared in magazines major and minor, in local, national and global sources. My debut commentary ran decades ago—and I have now contributed to many places for 50 years.

Yet, no major hits, no signings publicly, no appearances on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no prizes, no Pulitzers, no international recognition, and no medal. But I can more easily take no at 73, because my, humble successes have eased the blows of my frequent denials. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Valuable Setbacks

Rejection can be educational, but provided that you listen to what it’s attempting to show. Or else, you will likely just keep seeing denial all wrong. What teachings have I gained?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What